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Hello and Welcome to my Blog,
It's time for some emotional therapy on Advice Corner.
Sometimes, weird questions occur to me as it did this morning. Today, I'm going to write in honest and clear terms about the craziness of living a lie within the walls of your marriage.
In any great relationship, trusting each other is a basic value. Without trust in a marriage, it slowly crumbles, until only cold ash is left behind after the divorce.
If you are married, I've got a few questions for you.
1. Is your husband the biological father of all your children?
2. Do you go on secret dates with someone who is not your husband or wife?
3. Are you stealing from your husband or wife and diverting the money to a different account, to take care of your mistress or boyfriend or in case your marriage ends?
4. Do you exclude your husband or wife from decisions that involve the family?
If you are married, I've got a few questions for you.
1. Is your husband the biological father of all your children?
2. Do you go on secret dates with someone who is not your husband or wife?
3. Are you stealing from your husband or wife and diverting the money to a different account, to take care of your mistress or boyfriend or in case your marriage ends?
4. Do you exclude your husband or wife from decisions that involve the family?
5. Do you omit or skip over details of events you know your husband or wife will find annoying or truths you know will hurt them?
If you answered YES to any of the questions, you are living a lie in your marriage or relationship.
Is it wrong to lie? You know the answer to that one and it is a big YES.
Will you get caught? As long as there is night and day, your lies will erupt in your face on a day you don't expect.
The good news is, it's not too late. All hope is not lost if you want to change.
You can start doing the following to rebuild trust:
1. Teach yourself to speak ONLY the TRUTH every time you open your mouth. Your first instinct might be to cover up, but close your mouth, pause and say exactly what happened.
2. Decide to HONOUR your vows. Turn down opportunities to have an affair. Don't lead others on because your marriage is in trouble. Work on healing your marriage ad building a good home.
3. If one of your children isn't your husband's child, it is time to CONFESS. As grievous as your offence is, don't wait until your husband finds out from a third person. Don't deceive yourself, the truth will come out, no matter how long it takes. Your shame and humiliation will not be hidden. It's better you tell him yourself, today. He might kick you out of your marital home, but the guilt on your conscience will ease.
4. Stop pilfering your husband or wife's money to fund your secret habits, mistress or toyboy. The day you are caught, you will be shamed. Your secret is waiting to explode if you don't put a stop to it.
5. In the past, I made decisions about buying furniture in our home without involving my husband until after I had made the payment. This caused friction. On my part, I thought I was doing the right thing because we simply needed to change the furniture and I went ahead to replace them. But it was not so simple. That was when I learnt that buying the furniture was not the problem. It was the fact I did not discuss it and agree on it before going ahead.
Including your husband or wife in small and big decisions gives either of you a sense of belonging, builds trust and indicates respect for each other.
Including your husband or wife in small and big decisions gives either of you a sense of belonging, builds trust and indicates respect for each other.
6. Don't lie by omission. It's the same thing as lying outright. Half-truths is = to lies, period. It breeds distrust.
The first question your husband or wife will ask when they eventually find out is, "Why didn't you tell me?"
You will then stammer, cry and plead for understanding by saying, "I should have told you," or "I wanted to tell you," or "I tried to tell you."
What do you gain by lying to the man or woman you married? The person you live with? The person you swore to love forever?
By Living a Lie, You;
1. You are filled with GUILT.
1. You are filled with GUILT.
2. You are EDGY and jumpy, hoping never to get caught.
3. You live in FEAR, because deep in your heart, you know the day of reckoning is not far off.
4. You HATE yourself for what you are doing.
5. You feel POWERLESS and unable to break free from the lies.
1. Tell the TRUTH today.
2. Face the consequences.
3. Beg for forgiveness, until you are forgiven.
4. Forgive yourself and start over with a clean conscience.
We all make mistakes and yours isn't the worst.
5. Ask God for forgiveness. Confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead to save you from your sins and you will be saved. Romans 10 vs 9-11.
A fresh start is better than living a lie.
In marriage, you are to help each other heal, not break each other.
I hope you connect emotionally with your husband or wife so you can experience a more fulfilling, happy and loving bliss in your marriage.
Pictures are courtesy of Google.com
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I wish you a romantic week.
Love
Stella
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