Flirty & Feisty Romance Blog...spice up your relationships: #Wives: When #Anger Hurts Your #Marriage

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

#Wives: When #Anger Hurts Your #Marriage

Welcome to Advice Bench!

I watched a TV programme recently in which a married woman yelled, insulted and kicked her husband out of their home because she heard he cheated on her. She was still nursing a one year old baby.

Later on, this woman started therapy, and she learnt a few truths about herself.
She made the following admissions;

1. She was difficult to talk to.
2. She didn't like to hear the truth.
3. She had anger management problems.
4. She agreed her marriage had problems for sometime, but she just pushed the issues aside. 5. She acknowledged she had being subtly rejecting her husband's flirtatious advances.

After I watched the show, I connected the story with reality. There are marriages where the women run their foul mouth to overwhelming proportions, the men are no where to be found. I'm not saying the women's anger were the only problems. But it was a BIG part of the problem.

So today, I want to share my views with you on how a woman's anger can hurt her marriage.

You walk outside your marriage vows when you scream and rant at the man you vowed to honour and cherish.

Many women are hurting their marriages with bouts of uncontrollable temper tantrums.

Yes, you are hurt, angry and frustrated. In so many instances, you have every right to be. For example, you just found out your husband is having an affair, or he has taken another loan without your knowledge, or he is too busy to care about you or the children and so on.

Then you decide to take the following actions;
1. To make him feel some of the pain and hurt you feel, you lash out at him.

2. You yell and strip him of every ounce of dignity. Men have huge ego. When you trample on his pride, get ready to live with his evil side.

3. You insult him, irrespective of who is listening; your kids, family members, neighbours or friends.

4. If you live abroad, you go as far as kicking him out of the house for a day, two or years. In Africa, you don't have the luxury of evicting your husband. You will have your husband, his family and the African society to answer to.

I ask

Wow! Tell me, in all the instances where you have let out your anger so viciously, how did it all end? Did you achieve your goal? I guess that depends on what your goal was in the first place.

When did anyone ever achieve a brilliant result from yelling at their husbands?

Even if you win your husband back in a make up sex, you have cracked a few eggs that you can never find whole again.

What are the effects?

1. In your anger, you would have said so many hurtful words that have a lasting damage on your husband's psyche even after you make up.

2. The children are emotionally distraught with dad and mum's scary yelling.

3. When this behaviour becomes a pattern, one day, your husband is going to take a walk and not look back. And you are going to be left wondering how your marriage went berserk.

Why you need not yell

1. No matter what your husband's offense is, you can control your rage. There are times when silence is a more deadly weapon to achieve your aim.

Remember - Two wrongs don't make a right.

2. It takes two to fight.

3. If you open your mouth to insult your husband, you are unwise. In other words, among fools, you are the leader of the pack!

So if your aim is to be a single mum, don't waste your time reading further. Come on, read on.

What you can do differently

1. It is time to calm down when you want to yell at your husband. He is not your child, even if you think he acts like one.

2. Take a walk to clear your head.

3. Think through what you want to say. Ask yourself, what do I want to achieve? If you want your husband to quit being a mess, you need a wise approach. Yelling is not going to achieve anything good.

4. You need to learn to talk to him like the matured woman you are, and not fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.

5. You might even decide not to talk when you are so angry. Let him stew in his guilt. Talk when he is not prepared to go on the defensive. I use this tip and it works for me. *wink*

Quit shrieking, and start talking with a clear head.