Hello,
It's time for some emotional therapy on Advice Corner.
Whether you have experienced it or not, marriage is a safe place where you can reveal your weaknesses, fears, shame without being condemned or your secrets exposed to others.
I have been married for almost twenty years, thank the Lord. If there is one thing that helps me connect with my husband emotionally, it is sharing and oversharing how we feel about anything and everything.
As unbelievable as it sounds, many married couples find it tough, scary and almost impossible to connect deeply.
Maybe it's because they don't know how to be emotionally vulnerable with each other.
That's why I'm writing this post.
However, I'm hoping you married a matured man or woman.
To connect on a deep level with your husband or wife involves what I call, EMOTIONAL THERAPY and that means doing the following:
1. Voice out your vulnerabilities in WORDS. Say it.
I know it's scary at first because you don't want to be mocked or judged harshly. Practice it until it becomes a habit.
a. Speaking in a low tone, find the words to say exactly how you feel about your relationship, anything your husband or wife has done that you are unhappy with and so on.
b. Talk honestly about the issues that have been handled 'wrongly' in your opinion.
c. If you are upset about your husband's female friends because they flirt with him, or your in-laws who overstep, or colleagues who intrude, say exactly how and why you feel threatened by their behaviour and attitudes or the things they have said.
2. Let your spouse into your dark places - your fears, the shame you carry around inside, your guilt, pain and so on.
3. Cry out your frustrations. If you are afraid about anything; finances, sex, children leaving home, whatever, cry about it. Men love to save the damsel in distress. Use this style.
4. Open up about your resentments.
5. Talk about every unhappy thing going on in your marriage.
6. With an open heart, listen to your husband or wife speak after you are done.
As a wife or husband, when your partner discloses their fears, their unhappiness, guilt or weaknesses, your role is to:
1. Listen. Stare into their eyes, so they know you are listening.
2. Put your arms around their shoulders and whisper words of encouragement in between.
3. Smile and show compassion with your eyes and words. If you don't, you will stop them from trying to connect with you in future.
4. Afterward, tell them how you feel about all they've said.
a. Speak tenderly as you lean forward.
b. Touch their hands, caress their cheeks or chin.
c. Ask how you can be more supportive.
d. Most importantly, tell them you LOVE them despite their brokenness and insecurities.
e. Show your wife or husband how much you love her or him. If you don't know how, click to read, 20 Ways to Express Love or 10 Ways to Show Love.
Try my emotional therapy tips and you will see deeper bonds form between you two.
AVOID the Following
1. It is not a time to mock your partner.
2. Don't speak in a condescending or judgmental way as if you're perfect.
3. Don't pull away as if you've been stung by a snake. The shame and guilt your partner carries inside will only make them feel worse.
4. Don't share your partners secrets with other people who might blabber about it, else trust is broken.
In marriage, you are to help each other heal, not break each other.
I hope you connect emotionally with your husband or wife so you can experience a more fulfilling, happy and loving bliss in your marriage.
Pictures are courtesy of Google.com
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I wish you a romantic week.
Love
Stella
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1 comment:
Thanks Stella
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