This week on Advice Bench, we have Caleb Anderson - a Guest Blogger from Dallas, US - here to share useful tips on drug/alcohol addiction and the impact on marriage.
Have you or your partner been
struggling with substance abuse and addiction? If you’ve been concerned about
the effects of addiction on your marriage (as well as on any children or other
family members), you’re not alone.
In the book The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says 1 in 4 Americans grew up with alcoholics,
while a shocking 1 in 3 couples have engaged in physical violence.
Danielle
LaPorte, author of White Hot
Truth, bluntly adds: “Let’s be really clear: we are a society that is
overmedicated [and] addicted.”
Although millions of spouses in
America are living with an addicted loved one, addiction is not just a problem
for American marriages and relationships. It is a global epidemic. Illicit drug
use damages families around the world, and the impact of tobacco and alcohol abuse is even more harmful globally,
according to the US National Library of Medicine.
Nobody wants to become another
statistic. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably survived a lot of trauma and
pain due to addiction. You love your spouse but you need to find ways to save
your marriage.
How to Cope
How can you find addiction
recovery help for yourself and/or your spouse?
1. Start by working with trained
professionals who deal with these types of complex issues everyday. A trained
marriage counselor or a therapist who specializes in addiction recovery can
help married couples work through addiction and commonly-associated issues,
such as fraud, infidelity or codependence.
2. Both partners in the relationship
need to participate in a twelve-step program. Yes, this includes the partner
who is not addicted.
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are two free, confidential support
groups for families, friends and loved ones of those who are addicted to drugs
and/or alcohol. Even if you are unable to convince your spouse to attend a
twelve step program, it is important that you attend these meetings for
yourself. Although you love your partner, you do not want to be codependent or
further enable his or her addiction. The twelve step program will help you
break the cycle, find a supportive sponsor, and focus on healing with self care
and healthy boundaries.
3. Another big piece of healing your
marriage or relationship from addiction is helping your loved one get into
addiction treatment. Unfortunately, this isn’t always easy - especially if the
addicted loved one is in denial about his or her addiction, or simply isn’t
ready for treatment. For that reason, you should focus on getting him or her
into addiction recovery only after you have started a twelve step program for
codependence as mentioned above. Just like when the flight attendants tell you
to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others, you must take care of
your own healing before you’ll be properly equipped to help your loved one seek
treatment.
4. Once you’ve started a
codependence recovery program (and hopefully have also started couples
counseling) you can begin breaking your previous unhealthy patterns which
helped enable the addiction. At that point, you can help your loved one get
into recovery and you will be better equipped to support him or her through
this difficult transition.
5. Over time, the wounds of the past
may heal and you might find that you are able to move forward from the trauma
of the addiction. Know that it is common for addicts to experience changes in
temperament and personality during the addiction recovery process, and this can
be a difficult time for their loved ones.
If, however, your spouse refuses
treatment or becomes intolerable or abusive during recovery, it might be best
to consider separation. The emotional ups and downs of addiction can damage
relationships irreparably, and your relationship will probably change.
Regardless of whether you choose to stay or to separate, you’ll know that
you’ve tried your best and did everything you could have done to love and
support your partner during this journey.
All photos are courtesy of Google.co.uk
If you have an opinion or answer, please share it. I'm desperate to find out what you think.
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Thank you for stopping by. Please share your comments, so Caleb knows you stopped by.
It gives me great pleasure to read your views.
You remain unforgettable,
Love
Stella
Flirty & Feisty Romance
Our promise...is to deliver an intensely emotional experience you'll never forget.
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