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I'm Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku, the Author of over 25 intriguing Flirty & Feisty Romance Novels. I have been called the Romance Queen because I write about super-sexy heroes and flirty & feisty heroines. My stories are a breath of fresh air, dotted with unexpected twists and are set in fascinating Africa, enticing Europe and enchanting America. A scorching-hot burn is what you get when you read my books. My published novels include: Contemporary/Interracial/Multicultural Romance as well as Historical & Paranormal Romance Novels. If you want to laugh, cry and get a hot thrill on an emotional roller-coaster, read any of my books. Just so you know, I'm a romantic freak, mother of two fun - loving grown-ups, married to my amazing hero and best friend and we live in London, UK. If our children had their way, they would fill our home with a dozen pets. Swimming on my back like a star-fish is one of my skills. Please write or connect with me on social media. I love reading from you.

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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

How Can A Man #Love His #Wife & Keep A #Mistress?

Welcome to Advice Bench!


In the eyes of family, friends and the law, every married man promises his wife
unending love and loyalty at the altar.

For those who have live-in partners, the same commitment is expected until they part ways.

Then, how is it possible for the same 'committed' man to keep a mistress for reasons such as having regular sex, reliving stress, gaining a comforter, confidant or plainly stoking an old flame alive?

One question I need answered is how a man can insist he loves his wife while harbouring a mistress?

Does he whisper the same sweet nothings to his wife and to his mistress or does he
despise his wife so much, he doesn't need to profess his undying love to her?

There are many celebrities and public officers who have been exposed for their double lives with varying consequences, yet the practice continues. Tiger Woods and Ashley Cole readily come to mind.

Remember, the wives, children, family members and mistresses aren't going to be left unscathed when the indiscretion becomes public knowledge.

What will it take for a man to keep his fly shut in the face of brazen temptation?

If a man feels hard pressed to take a mistress, he must grow the spine to do the right thing.

What's the right thing? You tell me.



You remain unforgettable,
  
Love 
Stella 


Flirty & Feisty Romance 


Our promise...is to deliver an intensely emotional experience you'll never forget.

 



31 comments:

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Eyeagbon Ekowmenrenren comments on Facebook:

I think the idea of having a mistress is a natural norm to men and also to boost their ego....the wife here is the woman who is legally his wife. This man has no choice but to proclaim his everlasting love to her but the mistress is a way of proving to himself that he was born to have as many women he can handle..so he can put everything under his control.....I also think to the man, he truly can explain to you in this regard.

To me I believe there should be something he enjoys in the mistress that he is missing in his wife... And there should also be some qualities he cherishes in his wife that is also missing in his mistress .

He will be in the best position to explain this extra marital affairs....conclusively the mistress can go out of her way to please this man whereas the wife at home is just there feeling " I have him now, don't think I still need to please him, or spice things up ..... always laying back and holding back her feelings to profess her love over and over again which is the biggest mistakes wives are making!

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Hi Eyeagbon, thank you a million times for the insight you shared.
So, men keep mistresses because they want to eat their cake and have it as well.

You've opened my eyes to an 'interesting' reason - they find different attribute they desire in both women and opt to have the best of both worlds...until they're found out. I'm very grateful for your contribution. Couples must continue to show unending love to our husbands.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Eyeagbon Ekowmenrenren added on Facebook:

Lets find out from our men on this platform what their take is regarding this topic......if they can be honest! Waiting...

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Osa-iyoha Samuel shares his views on Facebook:

I think women are more than men like 10-1 so, it will be unfair for women without husbands or relationship...men needs to help other women that have no husband for us to have a more peaceful world because a woman that is unhappy is a...potential time bomb and I consider this action of men as FairNESS!!! ‪#‎winks‬#

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

What??? Osa-iyoha Samuel, what a 'fair' reason you've stated. It blows my mind how a man can think that cheating on his precious wife means helping the millions of single women!

This is rdiculous! Other people tell us what you think?

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Simone Beaudelaire says on Facebook:

A man who cheats on his wife will and should quickly find himself without a wife to cheat on. That's my opinion

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Thank you, Simone Beaudelaire. I'm doing a salsa dance because you've spoken sharply. Thank you for adding your voice to this controversial topic. I'm so glad. I wonder what Osa-iyoha Samuel has to say???

Margie Church said...

I think it's very hard for people to be monogamous. Women have lovers on the side as often or more often as men. I also don't believe that people who cheat don't love their spouses. They may love these other people on the side differently. I do believe that a person can love more than one other person at a time. Society has always said this is wrong. What is really wrong about it is keeping it a secret. This is all about communicating needs and desires. Honestly. If you are a person whom others have always said should never marry, stop and think why that is. If you've never been happy with one person for long, don't marry without divulging that important part of yourself and knowing your marital partner is truly in agreement and what the boundaries are. I've spent a fair amount of time learning about polyamory. If we accepted this mindset more readily, perhaps there'd be fewer broken hearts.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

@Margie Church, thank you a great deal for your take on this theme. Never heard of Polyamory. Hmmm...a very interesting concept of 'open' marriage. I'm learning. You've shared vital information. I want to know more.

Do these understanding people get jealous knowing they're sharing their husband?

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Chicki Brown added her views on Facebook:

I don't understand why men who want to do this even bother to get married. If you want to screw around, stay single. You don't need to hurt a wife and children with your doggish ways.

Margie Church said...

First of all polyamory is NOT swinging. This is a different kind of relationship where everyone involved knows exactly what is going on, with whom, and what the boundaries are. There is jealousy sometimes, but this cannot be an overriding part of the involved persons' personalities. Otherwise this is NOT for you. I don't share well. The idea of multiple partners has always interested me, but I know I cannot share the man I love with someone else. I guess I don't have enough self-confidence. I do know, however that many people do this successfully and sex is not always involved. There is clear communication. There can be no sneaking around and half-truths. People who can live polyamorous lifestyles are unique individuals. I think sometimes they are much happier than some of us. The societal conventions puts tremendous negative pressure on these relationships and few people have guts enough to live openly. These are consenting adults who choose this. They are not born into it like polygamy. Like the D/s relationship, this is a lifestyle choice. I left the link on your Facebook wall about the trilogy I am co-authoring on this subject. Here's the link to the first book: http://www.amazon.com/Desires-Edge-Razor-Trilogy-I-ebook/dp/B008FSCT1W/ref=la_B008H7HO4I_1_2_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387588173&sr=1-2

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Chicki Brown thank you so much for your brutally direct take on this. The family is terribly hit when the indiscretion is revealed.

Margie Church advocates being open. Keeping the affair secret is hurtful...well, I love the ensuing debate. Keep it rolling. Thank you all.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

@Margie Church, you've thrown more light on this issue. I'll check out your link to read more. If sex isn't involved, that's more settling.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Margie Church replies on Facebook;

Frankly, IMHO, when you start having inappropriate feelings for someone you're not married to, that is precisely the time to start talking to your spouse to try to find out what this other person has that you seem to want.

I think that though the conversations may be difficult, they can be far less painful than the pain of discovering infidelity.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

I love your practical advice. If you can gear up enough courage to talk about it, then, I think that's fantastic. I'll PRAY against every adulterous thought. It works!

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Margie Church continues on Facebook;

Kb Cutter should stop in as he and I have written two books in a trilogy on this subject. This is the first book. I saw your question and will reply in a moment. http://www.amazon.com/Desires-Edge-Razor-Trilogy-I-ebook/dp/B008FSCT1W/ref=la_B008H7HO4I_1_2_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387588173&sr=1-2

This is the second book. AGAIN polyamory is NOT cheating. It is the ability and permission to love more than one. http://www.amazon.com/Loves-Storm-Razor-Trilogy-II-ebook/dp/B00CA94G86/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Okay, the books sounds very unconventional & daring. Will check them out. Thanks, Margie.

Better still, I'll provide direct links to your books in the blog post.

Kiru Taye said...

I have to agree with Margie. Monogamy is not for everyone. People shouldn't get married if they like 'sampling different sweets'. It only hurts when affairs are conducted in secret. Being honest is very important. There are documented cases of poly-amorous relationships that can work as long as everyone is up front from the start.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Wohoo! This chat is getting truly fascinating! Very many thanks, Kiru for sharing your opinion. We all agree that secrecy is a no-no.

Polyamorous relationship sounds like a way out for men looking for that elusuve 'something' lacking in their wives. I'm so excited you dropped in. Thank you very much, Kiru.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Osa-iyoha Samuel replies Chicki brown on Facebook;

These men wouldn't have married but have you ever discovered that women stick to men? They stay glued and trap men most times with either pregnancy, blackmail or outright demand for marriage.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Osa-Iyoha Samuel replies Simone on Facebook;

You made a good observation but tainted, a woman that plans to retain her husband's fidelity must "up her game" if she's married to a "gamer"...

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

@Osa-Iyoha Samuel,

You've made a valid point. I have a question. What's the attraction women have to men who can't keep their trousers up? Dump them and move on. Is his sweet nothings the glue? Or they simply want to be the one to 'tie' him up instead of running to the nearest exit.

Well, some famous men have been left 'wifeless' after their affairs strayed to the open.

Jeff Salter said...

I went to a men's seminar at Church sev. yrs. ago and one of the speakers made a very interesting observation. Of course, nearly everybody says that men are (typically) more 'visual' in both learning and 'stimulation'. This speaker basically said, you cannot possibly shield yourself from all the visual stimuli in the world around us. But we should, he said, condition our brains to quickly tamp down any thought of responding. It's not a sin, he said, to notice that a woman is attractive. But it can become a sin -- and possibly lead to a breakage of the marriage vows -- if the man (or woman, for that matter) makes a conscious decision to seek MORE.
But here's the part which really struck home: this speaker said there are a certain number of typical "steps" in the path toward infidelity. the early ones are well-known, like proximity, contact, etc., --- especially in the workplace. But the crucial step -- from which many men cannot turn back -- is when that person deliberately acts to increase those contacts, that proximity, etc. Once that decision is made, and the person begins implementing plans to get closer... (statistically), he's already gone too far. Too often, that individual loses the ability to turn back and events overcome his (or her) possible resistance. Indeed, their brains can lock OUT the will to TRY to resist.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Osa-iyoha Samuel concludes on Facebook;

Women most times don't really know what they want ...

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Margie Church continues on Facebook;

They are unconventional - however we bet you'll be thinking these could be my neighbors...I could feel this way. I bet you'll be surprised as you cheer this threesome on.

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

I love your take, Jeff. That's the day-to-day sound way to handle temptation. I'm absolutely delighted you answered my question - 'What will it take for a man to keep his fly shut in the face of brazen temptation?'

The answer is what you've highlighted - Don't seek to increase contact or proximity. Thank you a zillion times for sharing these wise words. I hope it helps many consider their actions, weigh the consequences before taking the plunge.

omolara fisayo said...

Wow!! Sorry I responded so late. These comments are true and left me speechless. But my view is that marriage is a decision to commit to that ONE person in spite of everything. Temptations will come(and they are every where) but you should think about how far you have come. The Family is always affected.

Jeff Salter said...

The other thing this speaker said, which I HAD heard before, was that the husband (or wife) has already escalated things to a dangerous level if he (or she) has to keep anything about that other relationship secret from his/her spouse. Furthermore, the speaker said -- as have many other speakers and columnists -- "don't say anything to that other (attractive) person that you couldn't say if your spouse was present."

Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

I agree Omolara, the children are the most vulnerable and remain affected for a long time. The woman is torn and broken until she regains her self confidence from such betrayal (of course, the same happens if a woman cheats on her husband).

It's never too late to add your important comment. Like you, I assumed that marriage meant forsaking all others. It seems many marry but change their minds when troubles or temptation knocks. Jeff Salter's contribution is a guide I'll personally adopt.

Thank you so much, Omolara. Merry Christmas to you and a marvelous New Year.

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Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku said...

Amazing to have you pop in, Pocha huntas. Thank you. You're welcome to my blog. I'm delighted you found this post helpful. I'll check out your blog.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Splendid year ahead.