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Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Are You A #Wedding #Vow Keeper or Breaker? #DontTellTheBride

Welcome to Advice Bench!

If you are married or have been married, you will be familiar with the wedding vows. My favourite one is the traditional wedding vows that clearly states.

Traditional Wedding Vow

"I, ___, take you, ___, to be my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part, according to God's Holy law."

When you exchange the wedding rings, you vow to forsake all others and cling only to your wife or husband.

"___ take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness..."

Not In The Vow

Where in the vow above does it state that when you are tired of the bad situation in your marriage, or when your husband or wife has been sick for a while you have the right to break your vow?

So why do you think that after one or five or ten years you have the right to say to your wife or husband, I don't love you anymore, I have found someone new and it is time for me to move on?

Move on to where or to who? Remember not so long ago, you PROMISED in front of witnesses and God to FORSAKE all others. You lied to everyone!

And please don't tell me you did not plan it, or it just happened. Are you a mindless robot with no mind of your own? Where do you expect your wedded wife or husband who wants to keep his or her vow to go? Don't be selfish and stop thinking only of yourself. It is time to start thinking with your heart and head instead of the gift between your legs!

Some men and women are violent to their partners. Come on! You vowed to LOVE and to CHERISH, not use them as a punching bag, dimwit! Seek help and stop being a rascal.

TV Programme - Don't Tell The Bride

I love watching Lifetime TV Chanel Programme, Don't Tell The Bride. It involves a groom-to-be planning the entire wedding from start to finish on a budget of £12,000 within three weeks. The groom has no contact with the bride whatsoever, so with help of his best man, he has to figure out what his bride would love, from A - Z. 

As a bride, can you imagine giving up the planning of your wedding to your husband-to-be, including buying your wedding dress? I could not have imagined that happening to me when I got married over sixteen years ago.

Anyway, I enjoy seeing the shocked or tearful faces of the brides as they receive the surprises or disappointments that the grooms have in store for them.

A few days ago, I watched a bride smack the groom on the chest with her bouquet at the altar before the ceremony started because he made her go skydiving on the morning of her wedding. It was hilarious!

In all the series I have watched, the wedding day ALWAYS ends in a happy-ever-after.

As you know, I'm a romantic freak! I shed a tear or two as I watch and share in the couples joy and laughs especially when the bride and groom say their vows. At that point, I take a deep breath as I wonder how many of these couples would still be married after three, five, ten or twenty years.

Will You Keep or Break Your Vow?

Then it dawned on me that if every single BRIDE and GROOM KEPT every vow they made on their wedding day, there would be no divorce or at least divorce rates would be far less than we have now.

Of course I know there are a million and one reasons why married people BREAK their vows but I still wonder what will happen if every COUPLE (not just one person) stopped to think about the vows they made to each other and then seek help, commit to change their ways and stop the hurt. Their children and the society at large would be grateful to them.

It Is Your Decision Not Mine

I'm not unaware of how marriages can get overrun with mounting problems, yet, there are many other marriages that pull through immense pressure, troubles, infidelity and financial issues. The decision is yours, be a rascal and run away from your marriage vows and leave your husband or wife, children and families devastated or do the noble thing and start all over again to WORK things out with your partner.

Who told you MARRAIGE is a walk in the park? Marriage is HARDWORK and it is time you start WORKING to sustain your joy. Take a look at your wedding rings. Do you see a way out of the circle? I don't.

My Personal Code

When my husband and I offend each other, the offender says to the offended, "You are stuck with me!" And we burst out laughing because it reminds us of the fact we have nowhere else to turn except to work out our differences or annoyance.

Get A Marriage Code

You and your partner have to come up with some code or joke that will remind you there is no way out of your marriage when you are angry, feeling betrayed or offended. If both of you know there is nowhere else to go, your attitude will be different.

For Dating Couples

So when your boyfriend asks you to marry him, these are the issues you have to discuss with all seriousness.

1. How to resolve issues (heal the wound) before it becomes a terminal disease (divorce).

2. What will be your code to remind you that you are stuck for life. That you will always be honest and open. That if someone flirts with you, you will chat about it to your husband or wife. Let no one come between you and you have to mean it.

3. What to do when you are tempted. Don't kid yourself, you will or might get tempted years into your marriage.

Me and my husband speak about the men or women who try to tempt us and we LAUGH and PRAY about it depending on the seriousness. And sometimes my husband gets really angry and prays for the downfall of any man who wants to lure away his wife. I do the same.

4. What do you do or how do you behave when there is no money. A time will come when the well of money will dry up for a season. Plan how to deal with it before it happens.

5. The big one is sex. Talk and talk about it NOW before you tie the knot. I did not say engage in pre-marital sex, I said talk about it.

My Plea To New Couples

I can only pray that as you take your vows, you reflect on the words and do more than your BEST with the help of God to KEEP your vows. You owe it to yourself, your partner, your children and to society to keep your vows.

So find out if your partner-to-be is violent, deals in drugs or is an addict, abuses others emotional, an alcoholic etc. before you say yes to a life sentence in HELL on Earth.

God HELP us all as we strive to keep our marriage vows and thrive in our homes.

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