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Saturday, 23 March 2013

How to Handle #Heartbreak

Welcome to Advice Bench!

The moment you decide you're ready to get involved in a relationship, you become vulnerable in many ways. You share secrets, plans, ideas and you want to spend time building your world together. There will be disagreements, quarrels and pain, but the making up is usually nice and the whole experience brings you closer in some cases.

Then, one day, all your dreams of being together skips to a screeching end for one or a hundred reasons. You're in shock, because it can't be true! What happened to all the promises made when you held hands and stared into each other's eyes in the fading moonlight?

At first, you go into a state of denial. You approach your wife or boyfriend to try to talk through the issue. You want to make it work. But to your other half, your affair or relationship is over! Your time together is history. There's no more 'us'.

You withdraw, become bitter, angry and depressed. You cry so much your eyes are sore. You feel your heart being stabbed through with a two edged knife. You feel your heart breaking into a million pieces, bleeding and you think you're going to die of heartache. You shut out the world and you lose the will to go on. Work becomes hard labour, food tastes like straw and you blame yourself for not being good enough.

You are not alone
Do you really think you're the only one who has suffered from a broken heart? No way! Many love songs are inspired from a broken heart. Listen to Adele's, 'Someone Like You'.

What you can do
A broken heart is a terrible experience that will change your life for good or for bad. I want to tell you that you can use that traumatic experience to change your life for good.

But first, don't go running head long into another affair! It has no chance of succeeding because you're hurting!

Don't turn to excess use of alcohol or any use of drugs because you'll destroy your power to be in control of your life.

You need time to heal. Contrary to what people think, you need to work through your broken affair in your head. Think about the good and bad times, what went wrong
and eventually come to a quiet acceptance that it is well and truly over.

If it was your fault, its notthe end of the world, accept the fact that you're human and you make mistakes.

Tell yourself that if the relationship was meant to last, he would have been more tolerant. And if he cheated on you and also broke up with you, tell yourself you deserve a more honourable man.

If you don't sort through your layers of emotional baggage, apportion blame to your heart's content, accept your faults, cherish the good times, learn from the whole experience, resent him or her for discarding you like you don't matter, you will not be able to forgive and go on.

Start Again
After you've suffered  this emotional meltdown, you turn to your family or friends. You can start a new hobby like cooking, gardening, writing, pottery etc. You can join a gym to work out, feel good and learn to love yourself again.

Suddenly, anywhere you look, everyone seems to be in a relationship, but never mind, your time will come. Don't rush! Instead, keep busy and don't turn into a cynic! Not all men or women are like your heartless ex!

When your heart is truly mended, it's time to consider dating again. It may take a year or two, depending on how well adjusted you are.

One day, where you least expect and when you aren't expecting anything wonderful, someone will walk along your way that you will not believe can change your life for good. He will help you heal further, slowly make you start to trust again and your smile will be bigger than mine. But you have to be honest and true to yourself.

Good luck in your search for love. Remember, God can heal you better and you can be a consolation for others who are experiencing heart break. All you've got to do is ask!

I suffered two unpleasant life changing heartbreaks before I got married. I have been married thirteen years and it's been the best years of my life. My husband is more than my dream come true. I have God to thank for everything.

Never give up on love.

Thank you for visiting. Please leave your comments so I know you stopped by.

You are deeply appreciated.


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