Friday, 10 December 2010

Do You Talk To Your Spouse?

What a silly question you would say! Communication (or simply put, talking to one another) in marriage is as vital as blood supply in the human body. It sounds easy and pretty straightforward that you would expect two people in a marriage to speak openly about every issue under the sun. But as you know, it doesn't always happen that way.
Sometimes, people in relationships can't seem to talk to their spouse for many reasons.

Check out these scenarios;

1. Mrs. Wife can't talk to her husband about how sad or angry she's in her relationship because she's scared he might tell her to leave! Or, he might be too proud to admit that there's a problem and face up to it. Men generally don't like to discuss sensitive issues. Am I right? Instead, he talks tough and tells his wife to 'grow up'. What happens next? She learns not to tell him how she truly feels.

2. If there is no trust because Mr. Husband has reasons to doubt the truth about what he's been told by Mrs. Wife, then, he withdraws and decides to keep matters close to his hefty chest. He begins to watch her like a hawk, not even bothering to sit with his wife to discuss anything at all. When he comes home, the conversation is checquered. And as soon as he's finished his meal, he pleads tiredness and goes to bed. The woman stays awake angry...and the next day, the cycle continues...

3. Yet again, if Mrs. Wife thinks that her husband is narrow-minded, that is, he will usually be intolerant about any matter, then, such issues wouldn't be discussed openly with him. Take for example, Mr. Husband doesn't like his in-law, neighbour or climate change etc. When such topics come up in their conversation, he flares up and becomes a different person. That irrational behaviour drives a wall up his wife's heart, and before you know it, their communication pattern becomes shaky...

4. Again, Mrs. Wife has been listening to gossip that her husband is cheating on her. Next, she becomes paranoid, looking for evidence, real or imaginary to confirm the heresay. Then, Mr. Husband is rebuked for late coming or he's accused of infidelity or lying by his wife. He consistently repeats that he's innocent. But his claim of innocence falls on deaf ears. What happens next? There will be a stonewall in their relationship and talking openly about other issues between the couple ceases. Anger, seething rage, heartache and pain emerges as cracks on their relationship. Of course, the couple stops talking altogether...

5. What if Mr. Husband prefers to engage in newspaper reading, news/football watching, Wii/TV games or other 'antisocial' activities? Mrs. Wife feels left out and doesn't feel included and loved. She might decide to go on a revenge course that excludes him as well. It becomes a point scoring, tit-for-tat affair, that will eventually degenerate into an immature relationship.

In our next session, we'll discuss 'How To Talk To Your Spouse'.

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