Saturday, 18 December 2010

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE

It's interesting to discuss how to communicate with the one person you should be close to. Communication is such a chunky word, I'd prefer to tag it 'talking' to your spouse.

Talking is a two-way street. It involves dialoguing. That's speaking and receiving response. Be mindful that it might not always be a desirable response.

To start with, we'll lay down WHAT TO TALK ABOUT.

John and Pat sat on their fancy sofa, watching TV. No words were spoken between them for ten minutes! The minutes continued ticking away...still no words were uttered.

If you sit with your spouse in the living room, what would you be speaking about on an evening after work? There are a million and one neutral topics to latch onto. From news bites, politics, sports, NHS, friends to the changing weather, traffic, train cancellations. You can also move unto the more 'about you' theme; what happened at work, what you had for lunch, what the kids got up to, wider family issues etc. Stretching it further, you can discuss more specific topics niggling at your heart; money (abundance or a lack of it) how you feel about anything, including how you feel about your partner, your interests, your pains or gains etc. If nothing else, tell your partner, you missed them today! It never hurts to make your partner feel special. So, your well of topics must never run dry.

Next, we move on to How to actually talk.

You can speak with your partner verbally (actually talking) or using body language; Eyes (winking, eyeballing, hard staring, eyebrow raising etc. Mouth; blowing a kiss, pouting, smiling. Head; nodding, slanting your head, shaking your head etc.).

Posture can be used to 'speak'. Your posture can show interest or a lack of it. When Pat shows her back to John as he's bubbling with excitement about what happened at work for example, she's telling him to 'shut up', that she's not interested. Of course, her negative vibes is picked up by John. Without speaking, she's told her partner that what he has to say about work isn't important to her at that precise moment.

What Pat should rather do is tell John in a cool voice that she would rather talk about something more urgent. When she has captured his attention, she can state whatever is bothering her. Pat must remember to come back to John's 'suspended' speech about what happened at work. That way, both of their interests are addressed and talking will flow both ways.

Keep your fingers clicking on this blog for more on this crucial topic.

We'll continue on How To Talk To Your Spouse'.

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